It Will Change Your Life

Here is an excerpt from the story I mentioned in my last post (a little long ...):

My daughter and I were sitting at lunch when she casually mentions that she and my son-in-law are thinking of "starting a family."

"We're taking a survey," she says. "Do you think we should have a baby?"

"It will change your life." I say carefully, keeping my tone neutral.

"I know," she says. "No more sleeping in on Saturdays, no more spontaneous vacations."

But that is not what I mean at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her.

I want her to know what she will never learn in child-birth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of childbearing heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will be forever vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never read a newspaper again without asking, "What if that had been my child?" That every plane crash, every fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish outfit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation.

I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for child care, but one day she will be going into an important meeting and she will think about her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her child is all right.

I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five-year-old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at the mall will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in the restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years - not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her children accomplish theirs. I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.

My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the ways she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is always careful to powder that baby or who never hesitates to play with his son or daughter. I think she should know that she will fall in love with her husband again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried desperately to stop war and prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threats of nuclear war to my children's future.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to hit a baseball. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I say finally. Then I reach across the table, squeeze my daughter's hand, and offer a prayer for her and me and all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way into the holiest of callings.

11.5 Weeks To Go!!

Hi! We haven't posted in awhile. Not too much is new. Our next doctor's appointment is February 15th. Apparently after this appointment we will have to go every two weeks. I didn't hear back from my doctor regarding the lab tests I had a few weeks ago, so I am assuming everything was fine. They usually don't call unless there is a concern. I hope everyone enjoyed the 3D ultrasound pictures! We sure love them and love watching the DVD! We're not going to post the DVD on the blog because it is 45 min. long!! We have picked out a paint colour for the room and have bought two really cute pictures. They are of baby Big Bird petting a giraffe and of baby Cookie Monster giving a cookie to a baby tiger! They're so adorable! We've also signed up for a diaper service - Happy Nappy! If you are interested you can view their website at http://www.happynappy.ca/. A friend recommended the company to us. We're of course excited about this as well - there seems to be an "excitement" theme here!! We're excited about EVERYTHING!!! You know the song, "I'm so excited and I just can't hide it ..." That's pretty much our theme song right now! Until someone reminds us of the other aspects of having a baby! Such as the sleepless nights (which we're trying to minimize by reading Babywise!), the fact that from the day we found out we were having a baby to forever we will never stop worrying, the terrible twos, the teens, etc, etc!! Actually I read a fantastic story about motherhood and parenthood in general which I will post. Get the Kleenex out! Anyways, Cal's birthday is this Sunday so the baby and I have to go shopping!! We actually just realized a few days ago that we will have our first Mother's Day and Father's Day this year! The baby will be born right in time for Mother's Day (unless he/she is a couple of weeks late)!! Anyways, we hope all is well with everyone and we will talk to you soon!

Luv Tracy and crew!